We have chapel every Tuesday where we get to have worship and hear from a great speaker. This week Pastor Mike Haman came and spoke to us about dealing with conflicts. I thought this was so good, and so convicting, that I'd share it with you guys!
7 Steps to Deal with Conflict: Based on Matt 18:15
"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses then you have won that person back." NLT
1) If there is a conflict: Acknowledge the problem
unresolved = unhealthy = unfruitful = unacceptable by God
2) You: We have to be the ones to dress the problem...none of this, it's not my fault so he should apologize to me.
3) Go: Approach the issue don't avoid it or skirt around the issue. Be proactive; anger is the smoke detector which signals there is a change that needs to be made.
4) To the person: Go directly to the person and do NOT involve third parties because you will plant bitterness and contempt in their hearts toward the person.
5) In Private: Don't call people out in public because it will only embarrass them and frustrate the situation. Make sure your motive is love and wait for the right timing to address the issue, not while you are angry.
6) Discuss the problem: Use direct communication and address the issue at hand, don't beat around the bush. Talk about the core issues and not the peripheral issues.
7) The purpose of the discussion is reconciliation: NOT to win the argument. If you win the argument but lose the relationship what have you really won? If you aren't ready to reconcile the relationship don't begin the process.
I hope this helps you as much as it helped me! No matter where we work, live or who are friends are we will have conflicts.