I have been at my computer so much in the past few days that I don't even want to be sitting here writing this blog right now. It's true...especially since I just wrote one yesterday and I feel like I am cluttering your inbox with nonsense. But still I must write, because the words won't leave me alone. They keep filling my mind and I won't rest until I make this confession.
Tonight we prayed as a group for God to give us a word for 2010. Not necessarily a goal, but a guiding light, so to speak...something that could always be on our hearts and minds as we did our work, hiked to villages, ministered to the people, and just plain served.
In 2008, our word was catapult. Remember that one?
In 2009, we were saturating our area with the love of Christ. That was awesome.
But, we still hadn't settled on one for 2010...or (and this is my confession) I didn't want to accept the one He was giving.
As Kevin prayed at the end of our church service, he heard your Spirit say that our word...or words for 2010 were "growth, stretching and enlargement." My first reaction was "yuck". I am being completely honest, here. I think there was a part of me that was trying to hold onto the idea that this year would be easier than last year because I have a year under my belt. I wanted to think that I a foothold, you know? I wanted to think that I knew what was coming but... I also knew that I was ignoring the Holy Spirit.
Maybe ignoring is too harsh, but I definitely didn't want "enlargement" to be our word for the year, because that involves pain, that involves new ground, that means things that aren't in my comfort zone will have to become my comfort zone. Looking back over my journal entries and blogs, I can see how God was telling me that all along...even yesterday's entry hinted at that "sleepless nights and sweaty days"...maybe I should read my stuff more often.
I guess it ultimately comes down to a choice. How far are we willing to go? How far are we willing to let God go with us and in us? How deep will we let Him dig? I remember a lady, named Charlotte, prayed for me in 2008 and she told me I was going to be like a piece of taffy. That I would be stretched and pulled and twisted. And that God would take me as far as I was willing to go.
So, how far are we willing to go for the cause of Christ? Hopefully as far as it takes to make us like Him. God, please forgive me for closing my ears to your words. Give me the courage to let you stretch me. Let me be soft and supple like a piece of taffy. I know I can trust your hands to pull me in the right direction. Search my heart and purify it. Create a clean spirit within me. Keep me humble and teachable.