Surefooted

I have taken a new approach to my quiet times. Some how they had ended up being about me...go figure. You know, my encouragement, my calling, my life...me, myself and I. So I made the decision to go spend time with God to learn about Him. No ulterior motives. Not seeking blessings, encouragement, or confirmation. I just want to be in His presence and learn more about His character.

This is not as easy as it sounds. That very same morning I read this:

Habakkuk 3:17-18

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."

Whew...try not applying that one to yourself! I was like "Oh no...will there be famine in my life, will I be starved spiritually, will I, will I, will I." Then I remembered my decision...this time is not about me. So I asked God, "what does this tell me about you?"

Habakkuk was a prophet of God, that means he was God's voice to the people. So if anyone was close to God at that time it had to be Habakkuk. Even though this verse paints a pretty bleak picture of what Habakkuk is suffering, or willing to suffer, it also shows how dedicated he is to serving God. He says "I will rejoice in the Lord."

God tests those who are close to Him to make them stronger. And what I learned about God, that day, is that He expects us to weather the circumstances by rejoicing in Him.

The cool thing about God is that He will never let you walk away empty handed...He gave me a little nugget for myself...what ever is going on in my life, even if it means I have absolutely no security for my future, He expects me to rejoice in Him, to praise Him, and to continue to serve Him. The last verse, Habakkuk 3:19 says, "The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to climb the heights."

So find your strength in God, friends. Rejoice in Him no matter what you see, or don't see, ahead and He will make you as surefooted as a deer!

For these kids everyday is a step of faith.
I think they understand Habakkuk very well,
and thanks to Children's Cup they are
learning to rejoice in the Lord!

A New Kind of Home

You know how sometimes when you are journaling you end up writing a little personal revelation. Then when you reread it you are like...whoa...I really needed to hear that. It's like a post-it note from God. A little reminder that He is still in control and He is still looking after you.

While I was emailing a friend today this very thing happened. I just wanted to send a little note to let him know someone from BR was keeping up with him, and wham...God gave me a little nugget. I was telling Caleb how things were going for Honduras and then when I reread the email I saw this:

"so i am gearing up for the move. it's hard to be here and there at the same time...but i think i will probably feel this way for the rest of my life. caught between this and that, here and there. i should learn to love it in that place. a place where God is the constant, the thread holding my life together. "

Please pray that I would do just that...not depend on my surroundings for encouragement or comfort but depend only on God who is everywhere I will ever be. If I can really be at home where ever He is then I will be at home everywhere He sends me.

Always Praising?!

As many of you know I have been in a season of waiting. Waiting to go to Honduras, waiting to earn the money to go to Honduras, waiting to get the job to earn the money to go to Honduras...you get the picture. I have been waiting on things for my family as well...waiting for salvations, for them to live fully committed lives, for them to understand what I am doing isn't just something I think will be fun (although it is fun most of the time).

Right alongside this season of waiting has been a season of trusting. Trusting that God will provide. Trusting that He will take care of my family...I mean the guy has the whole world in the palm of His hand, right.

It has seemed like forever. Waiting and trusting takes a long time, but in reality it has only been about a month. So much has happened in this month that I have not really thanked God for. It took Israel 40 years to get to know God, to understand His character and they still got a lot wrong after all that time.

Now I see that along with waiting and trusting should always be praising. We can't just give God props when everything is going like we think it should. We should want to praise Him all of the time and for everything He does for us and to us.

I read something this morning and it really got me..."If you are really in God like you should be then anything that gets to you has been allowed by God to reach you. We should be thankful..." WOW! That paints a picture...I thought of being inside a God bubble and Him approving everything that came inside that bubble. Some of the things I like and some of the things I didn't. Some of them hurt me and some of them were awesome...but they all had purpose, they all took part in shaping me. Therefore I should be grateful, thankful even, for every challenge, every wait, every opportunity to trust and I should PRAISE God in all things.

I'm glad it only took a month for me to figure that one out. I don't want to have to go another 39 years and 11 months without praising God like He deserves. He is my rescuer, my savior, my provider. He is almighty, benevolent, caring, discerning, Elohim, father, great, healer, impassioned, just, kind, love, merciful, near, omniscient, present, quiet, righteous, sinless, trustworthy, unchanging, victorious, worthy, exalted, yearns for us, and He is Zion.

So learn this lesson quick. Through the waiting and trusting make sure you are also praising the God who gave everything for a chance to save you.

Independance Day

I know I am a few days behind, but I am feeling freer than ever! I am still waiting. I am still trusting. My circumstances have not changed much, but my spirit is soaring! I have taken hold of some great freedoms in the past week. It has not been easy to hold onto them, but with God's help I will never let them go!

I declare freedom from manipulation. I declare freedom from destructive relationships. I declare freedom from shame. I declare freedom from fear and failure.

Jesus had victory over these things at the cross, I am a little late realizing this, but better late than never, right? Right! Something that I have to keep realizing over and over again is that these things only have as much power over me as I give them.

It's like a bully in the lunch room. He only bullies the people who let him bully. He won't take on the strong willed or the ones already protected. And that is exactly what I am! I am protected. I am strong willed.

And now I am choosing to live like it! I am standing my ground. I am standing in love. I am standing in forgiveness. I am standing in discernment. I am standing in grace and truth.

Will you stand with me? Will you stand for these things in your own life? Will you be free in Christ?

Pearls of Wisdom

The burden of suffering seems to be a tombstone
hung around our necks.
Yet in reality it is simply the weight necessary
to hold the diver down
while he is searching for pearls.
-Julius Richter

Being Refined

Thank you all for your prayers! I feel you all lifting me out of this. I am so grateful to have you all in my life!

God has really been speaking to me out of Isaiah..it is every where! It has been so good to find comfort in His word during this season. I read this devotion today...it has been one of many that have spoken directly to my situation this past week.

The verse was, Isaiah 48:10... "I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather I have refined you in the furnace of suffering."

This is the poem that accompanied the verse:

Pain's furnace within me quivers,
God's breath upon the flame does blow;
And all my heart in anguish shivers
And trembles at the fiery glow;
And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
And in the hottest fire hold still.

He comes and lays my heart, all heated,
On the hard anvil, minded so
Into His own fair shape to beat it
With His great hammer, blow on blow,
And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
And at His heaviest blow hold still.

He takes my softened heart and beats it;
The sparks fly off at every blow;
He turns it o'er and o'er and heats it,
And lets is cool and makes it glow;
And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
And in His mighty hand hold still.

Why should I complain? For the sorrow
Then only linger-lived would be;
The end may come, and will tomorrow,
When God has done His work in me;
And yet I whisper, "As God will!"
And trusting to the end, hold still.
-Julius Sturm

If that doesn't describe what I am going through I don't think any words would be able to. And so I have been whispering, "As God will!" And I will trust Him to the very end.

Feeling Forgotten?

It is possible to feel like you have been forgotten by God; however it is impossible to actually be forgotten by Him. You see, Isaiah 49:14-16 says,

“Yet Jerusalem says, ‘The Lord has deserted us; the Lord has forgotten us.’ Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palm of my hands.”

Our feelings change with the wind. Our emotions are ruled by our surroundings. Therefore, we should trust the Word of God above our feelings, above the emotions that try to overtake us.

This is a promise from God.

He will never forget us. He will never leave us. No matter how forgotten you feel. No matter how lonely, tired, isolated, or withdrawn you have been He has your name written on the palms of His hands. The same hands that hold the world.

So be comforted friends, as I have been, by these words. These promises are unchanging. They stand forever…yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Promises of God

The rainbow of God's promises is always above the trials and storms of life.
-Charles Shepson

Hanging On

OK, you have probably read the earlier post on waiting...and if you have been reading since then you probably picked up on a pattern in my posts.

Yes I am waiting for something. You guys are so smart.

There are a lot of things I am waiting on and still trying my best not to worry about them, but there is one thing in particular that I need you help with. I am waiting for a job. It is out there...just beyond my grasp but I know it is there and I know it is for me.

I am reaching the end of my own strength...sound familiar?

I am running out of money which is not surprising to me at all, but it is still a little concerning. I am running out of time, there are only 5 months left between here and Honduras. But there is something else that I am running out of and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Whatever it is... it hurts me to think I don't have enough of it. I am leaning hard on God. He has whatever it is that I need. If you have some time...a minute or two in the morning, before you eat lunch, while you are in the bathroom, whenever God leads you...please pray for me.

Pray that I will lean on God. Pray that I will trust Him. Pray that I will savor the wait. Pray that I will have victory over the fear that is threatening my peace of mind. I need you guys. I need your prayers. I need your help...now more than ever.

Savoring...

A friend of mine once told me that patience is waiting and being happy about it. I am trying to learn to savor this season of waiting. It is not as easy as one might think.

So what would the definition of savor be? Waiting and being so happy about it that you wish you could linger there a little longer?

Please pray that I would learn to savor this waiting season as well as all the seasons to come. I want to soak up everything I can from where ever I am.

Walking and Waiting

I have been in this state of stop and go lately. I take a few steps forward and then wait around for a while. It has given me a lot of time to think, to read, to spend with God and to heal.

I took a step of faith yesterday. I take a lot of them I guess but this one was intentional, haha. I drove into Baton Rouge for a meeting at church. I really felt God drawing me there but I didn't have enough gas to get back home. So I struggled with whether or not I should make the drive. In the end I made the decision to go and if I ran out of gas on the way home then praise God I ran out of gas.

The meeting was incredible. We received an encouraging word from Bro Billy Hornsby, who if one of the founders of the ARC and and incredible leader. It was so good to be back home at HPC and see everyone that I have missed so much. Bro. Billy shared some incredible life principles with us but one of them hit me harder than the rest. He said that if you spend your life helping others succeed then you will be successful.

WOW! You may have to chew on that for a minute but not me. I had been waiting for someone to tell me that it was OK to do that. I needed permission to build others. You see the world tells us to strive to make ourselves beautiful, strive to make ourselves successful, strive to make ourselves a living...but what I really want to do is help others put into action the dreams God had given them. Of course I have dreams of my own, to have a family and serve God with them, but I trust God with those dreams. I believe that if I serve Him with everything I've got by serving others then He will take care of me.

Matt 6:33 Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. This has become the driving force for all of my decisions. I really trust God...with everything. Every single thing. And because I put my faith and trust into action by making the drive out to Baton Rouge to go to that meeting God met more than just my need for gasoline (thanks Mary Beth) He healed something deep in my heart and gave me ability to trust Him completely.

Approval Addiction

I think that somewhere deep down in my heart there is a spot that needs the approval of others. I really can't stand the idea of someone being mad at me or disappointed in me. I don't really like it...that I am that person but I am. I wish all I cared about was that I was pleasing to my Heavenly Father. And I do seek after his approval more than anyone else but there is that part of me that needs acceptance and encouragement from people.

I am so blessed to have people in my life that understand this part of me. Some of them probably understand it better than I do. But right now...I wish I didn't need that. Oh God let me be fully satisfied when you are smiling down at me. Let me flourish when I am in your will.

The American Dream

I guess since my sister just had a baby I have been thinking about my life as a potential mother. I really do want to get married and have a pack of little Heathers running around but the family pictures are going to look a little different. Instead of having a fake printed "spring" background they will have tropical mountains, waterfalls, sand dunes, breath taking lakes and more sky than you can ever imagine.

I really wish my whole family would understand the dreams that are in my heart. God says in Isaiah that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. He also says that what is wise to the world is foolish in the kingdom of heaven. It is really hard to explain what I feel in my heart without sounding irresponsible.

The world would have me stuck in school for another 2-5 years and then stuck in an office for the next 30 until I had a million dollars in escro and I could retire in style...the American dream, I guess. My dream is different though. I want to serve God. I want to make an eternal difference. I want my treasure to be measured in smiles on the faces God's children.

It does hurt a little to know that the people you love think you don't have it right but I guess it will have to do. I don't mind looking irresponsible because I have been responsible my whole life. I trust that my God will take care of me. I believe that if I ever slow down and return to the States that I will be provided for. I trust that insurance and electricity will be paid. The Bible says...seek first the kingdom of God and all the rest will be added to you.

I know that my God is faithful. I know that He has placed a dream in my heart. I know that I need to fight for it. I know that I need to protect it. I know that I need to stay at His feet. Please stand in prayer with me on these things. I need your help more than you will ever realize. I need your strength and your love and your encouragement.

Things I Choose Not to Worry About

photo of a waterfall on one of our hikes

There are some things I have decided not to worry about. It's not that I don't want to think about them or that I don't want to work hard at fixing them, I am just choosing to worry about them. I am refusing to let these things take over my mind and destroy my joy. And because I actually wrote them down in my journal I have a list of things I can go back to and say...Oh no you don't, that is on my list and I am not going to worry about it.

The problem with that is since I am the only one who knows about the list...I have been secretly worrying about some of the items. I know what you are thinking...but it really has been like a subconscious worry and then once I recognize it for what it is I bring out the list and say...Ah ha I caught you, you sneaky little worry thing.

So in an effort to solve this secret subconscious worry epidemic I am going to share my list with you. So please keep me accountable. If worry somehow sneaks its way into any of my posts call me out! Leave me a comment and say...Heather, that was on your list and I believe you are worrying about it.

I would really appreciate your help on this! Thanks in advance!

Things I choose not worry about

1. finding a good job for the summer
2. finances
3. learning spanish
4. figuring out which ministries to serve in
   
5. gas expenses
6. whether or not to sell my car
7. spending time with family and friends
8. taking care of all the Honduras arrangements in only 7 months
9. writing out a budget
10. maintaining relationships
11. getting married
12. being lonely
13. losing touch with friends
14. being without a camera
15. persecution
16. moving in and then moving out again
17. where i will live
18. what i will pack up
19. what i will bring with me
20. what i will store here
21. getting sick when i move

OK so you are probably thinking...these are legitimate things to consider. And they are, so don't get me wrong. I will have to do all of these things at some point, but I refuse to worry about them. You know that kind of worry that makes you mean to other people because they can't possibly understand what you are going through. That kind of anxiety that paralyzes you. The thoughts that lead down the road of low self esteem, unworthiness and incapability.

I just choose not to do that. So will you help me out? Keep me straight?

photo from the top of a mountain behind our hotel in Swazi

Time with God

So I woke up bright and early...OK it wasn't early at all...more like 3:57pm, but I was fully rested and ready to go. The problem was that I didn't know what I was going to do. I have just been around the world and back. I graduated from Elevate and now it isn't even called Elevate anymore. My world has changed, but I am so excited about the future!

So since I didn't know what I was going to do when I woke up, I decided to spend some time with the Lord. No rush. No assigned reading. Open ended. It was great! I have been reading about the life of David...I really want to be like him. David was after the heart of God and that is what I want. I have such a strong desire to know His character, to know His heart.

I spent a few hours reading in 1 Samuel and boy did God show up. He taught me about jealousy and how dangerous it can be. I used to compare myself to others. I would look at their blessings...their call then I would stop looking at God and get all confused at what He wanted me to do. God spoke to me through the story of David and Saul. He showed me how jealousy consumed Saul and eventually turned into hatred and lead to the murder of almost 100 priests! Can you believe it?! Saul murdered God's holy consecrated priests. I can't even imagine that!!

Whew...taught me a lesson. I confessed. I repented. And I asked God to keep me in line. God has plans for each of us. Those plans are all different. If we try to force ourselves into the mold God has designed for someone else we will be extremely uncomfortable.

Have you ever worn a pair of shoes that didn't fit? (I am sooo guilty of this). If they are too big they rub blisters everywhere. If they are too small your toes get all squished. Either way you can't walk right. Sure you can get around, but it is painful and you are constantly thinking about how bad your feet hurt. Your back starts to hurt becasue you aren't walking straight and you don't cover as much ground as you should have. WOW!

Just apply that to your whole life! If you try to walk in someone else's shoes...their calling...you will get all messed up. I am so thankful that God has designed a pair of shoes just for me. He has even designed a road for me to walk on and made the two of them match perfectly.

Maybe you feel like you are wearing a pair of hiking boots at the ball. Just hold on. God has a plan for those boots. Just trust Him. Look at what your shoes are good for and it may just give you some clues to what God has designed you for.

Yes I got all of that from a few hours with my bible, you should try it sometime. He wants to speak to you too.

New favorite thing

unsweet passion iced tea lemonade from starbucks
it is cold and tart...a little bit of heaven on earth, really.
oh and it's pink...what more could you ask for?

Lesson Learned

I learned a lesson last night. It was a good lesson but it was also painful. I asked God why things had to happen like this. Why does it hurt so bad when people you love disappoint you or worse look you over?

I think He is teaching me to love unconditionally. To love like I have never been hurt before. The funny thing is that it hurts to learn to love like you have never been hurt before. I don't know if dealing with disappointment will get any easier. Do you think I will get calloused? It seems like a catch 22. If dealing with disappointment gets easier then I will have lost the very thing I am trying to preserve.

I will not always have people there to share in the God moments and I think that is the message He is trying to get across. I am glad that He is easing me into it though, you know a little bit at a time. I know there will be many more sad days ahead, they come with the package, but I have faith that the happy ones will be worth it all, no matter how few and far between.

Glimpses

I have been house-sitting for some friends of mine this week. It has been nice to have some time alone (out of the Elevate apartments) to reflect and to just relax. But after the first day I started to realize I wasn't enjoying this as much as I thought I would.

You see, before I started Elevate I lived by myself, just me and my dog, and I loved it! I loved the quiet; I loved the solitude. So I was looking at this time of house-sitting as a return to that. You know rest, relaxation and some much needed time alone. But something wasn't right. I have been sort of floating through this empty minded.

Then today it hit me. I think God was showing me that I am not satisfied with that life anymore becasue the call on my life is different now. The year I spent living alone was in preparation for this phase of my life. I think this week he is showing me that I won't be satisfied if I go back to the life I had before Elevate. I won't be satisfied unless I walk in the path He has carved out for me. It would be so simple to slide back into that life.

There was nothing wrong with it...I served God, spent lots of time in prayer and reading my bible, I served at HPC and attended some great life groups. I grew a lot in that year. But God is calling me to move forward not backward. It is so cool that He gave me a glimpse of that life so now I know without a doubt that I won't be satisfied with that right now.

I am so excited about my future with Christ but I am not disillusioned about the sacrifices I will have to make. I count the cost of this life everyday before I get out of bed but I know there is such a satisfaction, a purpose in it, that keeps me going.

Speechless

I received a letter today from a friend of mine. A woman I love dearly. I was really a note more than a letter but I just can't shake the feeling I got when I opened it. There probably weren't even 30 words written on the yellow post-it note but I could feel the love from her as I read each one.

This note was attached to a money order that was to go into my Elevate account to help with my tuition or my mission trip, what ever I needed. I just think of all of the sacrifice that went into that envelope. I think of how much she believes in me to sow seed into my future walk with Christ. I know that God has richly blessed her and that he will continue to do so. I pray for her and her family and I thank God for her. She has been used by God to increase my faith on more than one occasion.

I think about my aunt who has supported me faithfully every month. Her letters have shown up in just enough time to buy gas or food or make a tuition payment. I have been sustained by her kindness and her sacrifice. I am so thankful for her obedience and I know that God is taking note of her faithfulness.

I have so many faithful supporters in prayer and finances and I just need to let them know that I am so grateful. Their sacrifices are not going unnoticed by me and most importantly by God.

I look back at all of the sacrifice and I just know that it isn't about me. It's about the others that I will meet, serve and love. It is about those who have not yet come to know Jesus. This is so much bigger than I am. I hope that God will continue to use me becasue I am willing. I am available. I so desperately want to be obedient.

Cluster Maps

I love cluster maps, yes i do! I love cluster maps, how bout you?

What is a cluster map, you say? Well I am sooo glad you asked. You see that nifty replication of the world on the right hand side of my blog? The one with all of those little red dots on it? That is a cluster map. It records the location and frequency of people who log on to my blog. Pretty cool , huh?

Yeah I knew you'd like it! I think it is so cool. I love seeing new dots pop up in places. It is so much fun. Especially when I see a new dot and I am 100% sure I don't know anyone who lives there. Like those three dots in Australia (yes, I have dots from Australia...don't be jealous you probalbly have Australian dots too and if you got a cluster map you would know about them).

It's like my blog is my own world wide outreach! I hope that even if someone only reads one of my posts they would encounter Jesus in a very real way. He is so real to me and I want this blog to share that.

Another really cool thing is that I can see the dots where my overseas friends are. I can see the Natalie dot in Swaziland and as my network grows and all of the people I am doing life with now go out into the world I will be able to see their dots too (they better still read my blog!).

So I know this was kind of a random thought but that's really how my brain works. Love ya!